mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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