You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
