So drunk its hurt
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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