Cold hands, warm shart.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
