Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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