she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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