FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Damn victory sex feels great
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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