She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
