My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
