Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
