In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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