its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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