drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
