She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
