Kareoke will never be a sober sport
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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