we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
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