Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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