Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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