You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Success! We fucked roommates!
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
