My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
My ass is underappreciated
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize