Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
She's like a pop up book from hell.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
