i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize