I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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