your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
