I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
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