Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
