Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
