bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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