my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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