i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
