I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
