I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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