Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize