Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
