Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
