I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
