We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
