Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
