It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
