well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
