hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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