Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I would fuck him just for his dog
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
