so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
