can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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