She said her name was "party"
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
