The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
