no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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