I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I'm sobbing to NWA
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
