Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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