you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
