i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
