all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Randomize
