drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Watching her eat just hurts me
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize