Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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