did you get engaged???
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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