You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
The feeling are messing with the penis
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
