How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Me too!
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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