I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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