Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize