Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize