dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Randomize
