Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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