HIV tests are more positive than that guy
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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