Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
This is my gift to your gina
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize