I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Sorry my hands just texted you
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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