You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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