I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize