I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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