Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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